I learnt a hard lesson recently. I learnt that words can have power. Words like ‘can’t’ instead of ‘can’, words like ‘stop’ instead of ‘continue’.. Such simple words, yet with a power to hurt, to burn, to crush, to ruin. I learnt that we must choose our words carefully before they come rushing out of our mouths. We must think first, then write or speak, aware that the one for whom those words are intended will be so greatly affected. Either uplifted or destroyed.
Ironically, since that hard and painful lesson, words seem to pour out of me. I just can’t seem to stop writing. It’s like a door has opened and my soul is free to express itself, wanting my words to be filled with joy, happiness, hope for the future. Words like ‘us’, ‘love’, ‘need’ and ‘want’.
I learnt that when we release the fear our lives get easier, the present creates the future and every moment becomes precious, every word like the most beautiful and amazing jewel, a gift for that person, a need to make them feel how you feel and to understand just how much they mean to you. But somehow these words simply aren’t enough. They can’t explain what that person does to you, how their name fills your mind and your senses, how their image makes your heart soar. They are just words afterall, how can they possibly begin to explain such intense feelings?
But then you remember words from before. Words like ‘hate’, ‘queer’, ‘ugly’… Words like ‘useless’, ‘pathetic’, ‘shame’, ‘disgust’. Words that seemed to burn in your mind and your heart for all those years later, words that will forever remain in your memory. And then you can only think of one word ‘heal’….
Now I cling to words like ‘love, hope, happiness, joy, passion and pleasure’. For these are words that wrap themselves tightly around me, keep me warm, kiss me goodnight and then wake me with a smile in the morning. These words are my strength, my armour against the world, my dreams for the future..
But the most important of all consists of just three simple letters… You…